Bittersweet

08/20/2013


Knee-deep.

Waist-deep.

Chest-deep.

That’s how high the flood in some areas in the city due to tropical storm Maring (international name – Trami). Classes were suspended but since it’s not signal number 3, the working masses still need to go to their respective offices – if we can.

I can’t. The garage is flooded. Outside it’s flooded.

I can’t float in the flood. I can’t swim through the flood. I can’t fly over the flood.

I can only work at home.

Bittersweet. Not because I am working at home – I am used to it, working — beyond my working hours.

Bittersweet. Us, here, experiencing several storms in a year – the one before this, Labuyo (Utor), visited us just last week. I won’t talk about bitterness — just bittersweet. Because these storms oftentimes bring out the best in us.

We continuously learn how to rebuild.

We continuously hold on to the One who can calm the storms.

Bittersweet — I remember I have this book title by Shauna Niequist . And the first thing that I read was ‘on crying in the bathroom’ because I did cried in the bathroom. Not once, nor twice. Too many times – because it’s less messy to cry in the bathroom!

I can relate in most of the entries, not only because I too had a miscarriage, but because I know how bittersweet taste — and I know you do too.

So many bittersweet thoughts for the day and one of them is — my blog friends. I haven’t been a good friend for a long time. I was not able to visit them as much and when I did, some are no longer writing actively as well.

I know. I know. Our priorities do change as the need arises. We sometimes need to give up something in order to focus on to another thing. Bittersweet.

And like Shauna I also ask for help — to the One who truly knows my heart.

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'on crying in the bathroom' by Shauna Niequist

‘on crying in the bathroom’ by Shauna Niequist

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Yes, I would like to believe that too even though the storm outside is not leaving today.

Even though there is a storm inside.

Heart-deep.

Wish-deep.

Knee-dip.

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‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” – Revelation 21:4

🙂

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01/13/2013


Between sipping tea and shelling pistachios for breakfast I watched my cute daughter draw. It is a good day, a very good day, a very God day.

I just had a very full and tiring week at work and I see the next coming 18 months that way. I am afraid not of the loads of work but of the time I could be further missing my kiddos. We hardly began the focused works on the overhaul of systems and processes brought by the transition to our new company when I was identified as the potential weakest link in our team because I had pushed through with the holiday vacations with my family. They scheduled meetings on later part of 2012 and first week of 2013 but I declined. I appreciated I was chosen to be part of the team but it doesn’t mean I am giving up my most valuable team, my family.

I have assessed how I did in all the teams I was involved and holy mama I was strong! And I know that the very person who made the forecast was not able to realize his projects on time. Armed with that fact, I offered that they may take me out of the team because I was never ever a yes person. I believe in firm NO — NO to pulling down.

That is the reason why I only had tea and pistachios for breakfast this weekend — otherwise, I’ll have a heap of everything in the table, lol! But it felt good to slowly sip the tea and play with pistachio shells. It is very good to watch my daughter draw while she smiles to me from time to time. It is very good to smile for what God has for me.

 

beatrice. i love jesus

 

It is a very God day! He reminded me once more that I am loved and I am on His team — linked strongly!

Yes, I am still on the working team.

Yes, I am the missing link — missing you!

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The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to tread on the heights. For the director of music. On my stringed instruments.

– Habakkuk 3:19

🙂

I miss you all too!

And yes from time to time I pause and think of you and pray for you my dear blog friends.

The heart strings were not cut. They were turned into lovely friendship bows.

The times that were used to be spent online were added to more hugs, kisses, sharing stories, crafting, smiling, walking around, counting blessings, and smelling the armpits of my kiddos.

It was all good. Soooo good. Very very very good.

It is such a blessing to be a mom. Just one kid brings so much joy. And I have four!

And today I read that around 50,000 children go missing yearly in India. That is 14 children missing everyday — infinite heartaches each second.

Pinky and Dinesh Kumar Singh pose with a photograph of their missing child Shivam Singh at their residence in New Delhi, on September 12. Thirteen-year-old Shivam Singh promised his mother he would be back to do his homework as he ran to get some sweets. He never returned, becoming one of the 50,000 children who go missing every year in IndiaThis combination picture taken on September 12, shows Indian women Ranjana Singh (left) posing with a photograph of her missing child Saket Kumar, while Pinky and Dinesh Kumar Singh (right) posing with a photograph of their missing child Shivam Singh

The photographs of missing Indian children are displayed at a police station in New Delhi. According to recent crime statistics, 14 children go missing in New Delhi every day, at least six of whom are victims of human traffickingReligious threads adorn a photograph of missing Indian child, Shivam Singh, at his family's residence in New Delhi, pictured on September 12. Thirteen-year-old Shivam Singh promised his mother he would be back to do his homework as he ran to get some sweets. He never returned, becoming one of the 50,000 children who go missing every year in India

(Photos from the News)

The kids are missing due to human trafficking. And this surely is not happening in India alone. We have our own numbers in our own backyard. It makes my heart ache as a mom and as human. What happened to our own kind, the adults? What happened to their hearts?

I pray that each one will hear God’s word. And feel God’s heart. Then feel their own. And know that God is in the heart business. He cleans, He restores, He makes new, and He loves.

Let us all give tight hugs, real tight hugs to all the children of the world.

Let us whisper that they are loved so much by God. Some might not believe it, like most of us do at some point in our lives, but still let us whisper. One day that whisper will be heard — loud and clear.

*

All your children shall be taught by the LORD, and great shall be the peace of your children. – Isaiah 54:13

 

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Adios Amigos

08/14/2012


It’s been weeks since I last visited your place and my place.

I am tempted to finally say, “Adios Amigos.”

But here I am saying instead, “Ahhh Diyos Amigos!”

Diyos is the Filipino translation for God.

“It’s God my friends!”

Who else will stop the flood caused by 11 straight days of monsoon rain?

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Who else will make Filipinos smile in hope?

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 Who else will provide what you need most?

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Who else will soak  you in love?

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Who else will make one fit for the ohlifepics?

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Who else will lay down his life for us?

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Ahhh Diyos Amigos!

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Where ever you are right now — down the deep or floating on air

Whatever you may be doing right now — laughing in pain or crying in happiness

We both know that God alone knows His purpose for us — and it is good.

I believe that even when I feel like something so bad is happening to me.

I believe that feelings are not always the truth — but He is.

I choose to believe because…

it’s raining hard again outside! 🙂

Ahhh Diyos Amigos!

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The waters saw you, O God, the waters saw you and writhed; the very depths were convulsed. -Psalm 7:16

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Note: Photos are not mine as I can’t be everywhere while there’s flood. 🙂

Love Falls

03/07/2012


Him:    I love you!

Me:    I love you so much!

Him:    I love you so much more!   *kiss*

Me:    Thank you! I have a big smile 🙂 😉   *kiss*

Him:    I’m so happy that I made you smile 🙂


Sweet, huh?

That is not always the case because there was a time when the exchanges were, “I hate you!” and “I HATE YOU!”

Bitter, yeah.

Most of us might have tasted how bittersweet love can be. It will be the case as long as we are humans. And humans expect. And humans fall short of each other’s expectations.

Since human falls, love falls.

It falls…

But it can be picked up

And put altogether

But no, the pieces cannot be put all together

There will be cracks and holes and deformities

The question is, “What do you do with it?”

Glue it with insincere repentance?

Fill it with temporary pleasures?

Straighten things up to our satisfaction?

or

Let God seep through every crack.

Let God fill in the holes.

Let God show us that there is really no deformity

But something special.

And what do you do with something special?

Love it!

🙂

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. – Psalm 147:3

🙂


 

Detectives and lawyer

They were my companions in my younger years

Those book characters were with me everywhere

 

I once imagined myself as

Smart and resourceful Nancy Drew

With brothers as lucky and clever as Hardy Boys

 

But I think I grew up

With astute logical reasoning as Sherlock Holmes

With an ability to get somebody out of trouble like Perry Mason

 

My family was hopeful

That someday they will see me in court

A lawyer just like my uncle

 

But I couldn’t tell them

I just wanted to be a woman, wife and a mom

I haven’t told anyone until now

 

And so I grow older and took up engineering

And yes I became a woman, wife and a mom

Defending someone, saving myself and trying to be logical

 

Dream came true? I don’t know. All I know is I could be Hercule Poirot

Who believes that “in the long run, either through a lie, or through truth,

people were bound to give themselves away…”

*

For Gooseberry Garden on Childhood, Dreams, Books, Role Models.

 

It’s true. All I ever dreamt of was to be a woman, wife and a mom — all because I wanted to find my way back into love. And how about you?

 

 

Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. – Matthew 7:7

🙂


 

Less than a month ago I discovered a lump in my breast. What immediately came to mind is the possibility of breast cancer and of near-death. It made me pause and check myself.

There was no fear. There was no worry. How could it be?

I realized that I have been prepared for this – with my death experiences.

Death of dreams.

Death of trust.

Death of happiness.

Death of confidence.

Death of enthusiasm.

Death of hope.

Death of courage.

Death of spirit.

With those deaths I never asked, “Why? Why? Why?”  But nevertheless I am now given an answer if ever I ask, “WHY?!”

I was being prepared to give birth to my faith.

I gave birth to 4 living babies and my 1 unborn was taken from inside. Pure labor and pain before the release of lives from within me – very much like the birth of faith.

Please click for other days.

 

It’s Day 31 of Feeling Good! And I’m talking about death? Surely death is painful if we focus on the loss. But if we shift our focus to what it gave birth to – it has beauty on its own.

I never thought that faith alone could give birth to so many wonderful things.

Birth of dreams.

Birth of trust.

Birth of happiness.

Birth of confidence.

Birth of enthusiasm.

Birth of hope.

Birth of courage.

Birth of spirit.

Yes, what were lost are best lost. Now I have new ones — better ones plus so much more.

And oh, the lump in my breast is possibly not cancerous. The doctor told me to go back after a month to confirm if I need an operation but as of now, it subsided already. Death of lump?

Now tell me, how can I not feel good? Sometimes feeling good is not about feelings but about trust. That we are better off with it; how others are better off with it – with what is given or taken away.

This is the end of my 31 Days of Feeling Good series – but not the end of feeling good!

 

‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” – Revelation 21:4

🙂